First full attribution that I’m really just re-stating Patty’s advice to be more relevant so you should absolutely read that if you haven’t already.
Whatever it is you want. A job, a promotion, a new opportunity, more headcount, travel approval, budget increase, a spiffy new sports car that the spouse can’t seem to appreciate — you will increase your probability of getting it, if you can get out of your own way and quit trying to make it about you.
It needs to be about them.
The harsh reality is no one cares what you want.
The trick to getting what you want, is to do the heavy lifting to connect the dots, to make what they want and what you want the same thing.
If you start the process by explaining to them why they need to care about what you want, you have already stacked the deck against success. The more work you do up front to make it about them, the better chance of success.
What if you don’t know what they want?
I’d suggest that would be the most important gap to fill — as without that you are likely not going to reach the full potential of the relationship.
What if what they want is wrong?
Well I’d suggest you have a lot of work ahead of you, and you had best get started. No one said this was easy.
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